Most managers try to show appreciation the way they personally like to receive it. That’s human, but it’s also why recognition often misses the mark. When appreciation doesn’t land, people feel unseen, team dynamics fray, and a culture that should be energizing starts to drain motivation. The good news: you can fix a toxic culture without a pizza party or a pay bump. You can rebuild trust and momentum with a simple shift in how you show appreciation.
In this episode of You’re the Boss, Now What?, Desiree Petrich breaks down how to translate the five love languages into practical leadership tools that help first-time managers reduce turnover, handle difficult employees with more empathy, and lead more effective team meetings. Consider this Coaching for Managers 101, with clear New Manager Tips you can put to work today.
First, a quick note about “love languages”
Yes, there’s debate about their scientific validity. That’s fair. But this framework is a useful conversation starter that helps managers see people as individuals. If it helps you connect better and lead better, use it.
Why this matters for new managers
Your job isn’t just tasks and timelines. It’s people. And people are different. The golden rule isn’t quite enough at work. Don’t treat people how you want to be treated. Treat them how they want to be treated. That’s the manager’s version of emotional intelligence, and it’s the fastest path to building trust, improving team dynamics, and learning How to Handle Conflict at Work as a Manager before it escalates.
When employees’ needs for recognition go unmet, you’ll see frustration, disengagement, and even burnout. When you tailor appreciation, you’ll see higher loyalty, more initiative, and faster buy-in. That’s How to Be a Better Manager in action.
The five love languages, translated for work
Use these as lenses to individualize recognition, coaching, and accountability.
1) Words of affirmation
What it means at work: specific, timely praise and encouragement. Think thoughtful “here’s what you did well and why it mattered” notes or quick shoutouts that highlight impact.
When to use: performance wins, values-aligned behaviors, visible effort on tough projects.
Leadership payoff: builds confidence, fights imposter syndrome in leadership, and encourages repeat performance.
2) Quality time
What it means at work: undistracted attention. Consistent one-on-one meetings, mentoring time, and real listening.
When to use: coaching conversations, development planning, decision context, and project kickoffs.
Leadership payoff: deepens trust quickly. It’s also How to Lead Effective Team Meetings by modeling presence and clarity.
3) Acts of service
What it means at work: removing roadblocks, pitching in strategically, and offering targeted support that makes the work easier.
When to use: deadline crunches, complex cross-functional tasks, or when a team member is stuck.
Leadership payoff: shows you’re in the arena with your team, not above them. This supports How to Delegate because you’re enabling without rescuing.
4) Gifts
What it means at work: small, thoughtful tokens tied to effort and outcomes, not generic swag. Coffee gift cards, favorite snacks, or a book that aligns with their goals.
When to use: milestones, stretch efforts, and peer-nominated recognition.
Leadership payoff: signals thoughtfulness and attention to the individual, which strengthens loyalty.
5) Physical touch
What it means at work: keep it professional and consensual. Think handshakes, high fives, fist bumps. Many won’t prefer this, so always ask. When in doubt, default to another language.
Leadership payoff: minimal, but for those who value it, it can reinforce camaraderie in the right context.
Three common mistakes managers make with appreciation
Avoid these traps to keep trust high and standards clear.
- Assuming everyone is the same
If you only give the kind of appreciation you like, you’ll miss others entirely. Ask, don’t assume. Simple question: what makes you feel most appreciated at work? - Inconsistency and insincerity
One enthusiastic week of recognition followed by silence will undermine your credibility. Make appreciation a repeatable habit embedded into one-on-ones and team rhythms. - Letting appreciation replace accountability
Being nice is not the same as being effective. Appreciation works best with crystal-clear expectations and follow-through. If standards slide, recognition becomes noise. This is How to Hold Employees Accountable without becoming the bad guy.
How to put this into practice with your team
Here’s a simple, manager-ready rollout you can facilitate this week.
- Take a quick assessment together
Send your team to intentionalaction.net/self-awareness and have each person note their top two languages. Use this to start a conversation about preferences and boundaries. This is a low-cost team building moment that begins to fix a toxic culture one honest conversation at a time. - Build a simple “preferences” sheet
Create a shared doc with each person’s top languages, favorite snacks, recognition volume (public or private), and do’s and don’ts. This helps you individualize without playing favorites. - Add appreciation to your meeting cadence
One-on-ones: open with 60 seconds of tailored recognition tied to outcomes.
Team meetings: rotate quick peer shoutouts aligned to company values.
Project closeouts: debrief wins using each person’s preferred language. - Pair recognition with clarity
Appreciation does not excuse unclear expectations. Make sure every recognition moment anchors back to specific behaviors and standards. That’s How to Build Trust as a Manager and keep momentum. - Teach your team to appreciate each other
Don’t keep this a leader-only practice. Ask each person to appreciate one peer weekly using that peer’s preferred language. Peer-to-peer recognition strengthens Team Dynamics faster than top-down praise alone.
Conversation prompts you can use today
- What kind of recognition feels meaningful to you at work, and what feels uncomfortable?
- When you’ve felt most appreciated here, what specifically happened?
- Would you prefer public shoutouts in team meetings or private notes one-on-one?
- What’s one small thing the team could do more often to help you feel valued?
Manager scripts for common situations
- Quality time preference: “Let’s use our one-on-ones for coaching, not status updates. What’s the most important challenge we should dig into together this week?”
- Words of affirmation preference: “Your facilitation kept the meeting focused and respectful, which saved 30 minutes and got us to a decision. That impact matters.”
- Acts of service preference: “I’ve blocked 20 minutes to help you remove blockers on this dashboard. What’s the first obstacle to clear?”
- Gifts preference: “Congrats on the launch. Enjoy lunch on me at your favorite spot. You earned it.”
- Accountability plus appreciation: “Your initiative with the client was excellent. For next week, I need the status reports submitted by Thursday at 3. That standard applies to the whole team.”
The leadership outcomes you’ll see
- Faster buy-in because recognition matches preferences
- Higher engagement and lower friction with difficult employees
- Clearer standards and stronger follow-through
- More effective team meetings that blend appreciation and accountability
- A culture where people feel seen and choose to stay
That’s How to Be a Better Manager in practice, not theory. It’s also a practical step-by-step for first-time leaders who want to create a healthy culture without fancy programs or big budgets. If you’re looking for a Leadership Podcast for New Managers that keeps things tactical, this is it.
Try this this week
- Run the quick assessment with your team and talk about results
- Add a recognition line item to your one-on-one template
- Pick one person and deliver appreciation in their preferred language today
If you want help facilitating this conversation or building a simple system that blends appreciation with accountability, Desiree Petrich offers workshops on DISC, Working Genius, and the 5 Dysfunctions of a Team for leaders who want Coaching for Managers that actually changes behavior.
