If you’ve been around here a while, you know I don’t believe in work-life balance. Every time I tried to “balance,” I felt like I was failing somewhere. When work was winning, home felt ignored. When home got my attention, work felt behind. That ping-pong feeling has a name: fragmentation.
In this episode, I sat down with Nicole Greene, a mindset consultant who works with high-performing women juggling multiple non-negotiable roles. The conversation hit me right between the eyes. Below is what I’m taking with me, written from my side of the table.
Balance Wasn’t My Problem. Fragmentation Was.
I used to carry separate versions of myself. Manager-me. Mom-me. Founder-me. When one “me” was doing well, the others felt neglected. Nicole helped me put language to that: fragmentation. Integration is different. It says I am one person, living one life, making intentional tradeoffs that change with the season I’m in.
A real example. Early in my business with two little kids, I intentionally put my health on the back burner. It made logical sense at the time. It also backfired. The letdown effect caught up with me, my body threw flags, and I had to redistribute my energy. The lesson wasn’t “never shift.” It was “shift on purpose, and shift back on purpose.”
High Performer vs Overachiever
Nicole makes a distinction I wish I had heard years ago.
- High performance is excellence with boundaries.
- Overperformance is proving your worth at the expense of your wellbeing.
I have lived on both sides. When I’m proving, I bulldoze my own limits, call it “drive,” and then wonder why I’m exhausted and resentful. When I’m performing from self-trust, I still work hard, but I protect the parts of life that keep me whole. Same output on paper. Completely different cost.
Boundaries That Actually Show Up On My Calendar
Here’s the hard truth I had to own: if my calendar only reflects my work identity, my life will too. Nicole teaches a “dream calendar” approach. Build from the outside in with non-negotiables first. For me that looks like:
- Fitness or a long walk
- Dinner and homework time with my kids
- Focus blocks for deep work
- Social or recovery space on the weekend
I used to think I needed a big block of time to “make it count.” Now I protect ten-minute pockets like they are rent money. A quick stretch, a call to a friend, a lap outside the building. Tiny actions create the momentum. I don’t wait for the feeling to act. I act to create the feeling.
The Awareness Loop I Come Back To
Self-awareness is not a finish line. It is a loop. Here is the one I use:
- Awareness. Notice what’s actually happening without judging it.
- Acceptance. Tell the truth about it with compassion.
- Integration. Align one habit or boundary to what you just learned.
- Realignment. Life changes. Adjust, then adjust again.
Every pass through the loop shortens my recovery time. I bounce back faster and spend less time spiraling.
Rewriting Limiting Beliefs (Without Wrestling Them All Day)
One of my favorite parts of this conversation was Nicole’s “dial” approach to emotions and beliefs. You do not always have to attack a negative belief head on. Sometimes you dial up the opposite.
When shame flares, I practice pride on purpose. When indignation spikes, I practice gratitude on purpose. When fear takes the mic, I dial up trust and love. The more I dial the opposite, the quieter the old soundtrack gets.
A tool that helped me: writing a thank-you letter to my ego. “Thanks for protecting me. You got me this far. I don’t need you steering anymore.” Oddly freeing.
Purpose, On Your Terms
A lot of us chase titles and paychecks and then wonder why the win feels empty. Nicole’s satisfaction self-assessment looks at 13 areas of life and asks two questions: Where am I now, and where do I want to be this quarter. The gap is where your next experiment lives. Not a life overhaul. One aligned move.
I’ve started asking myself: what does success look like this season. If the answer is “strong client delivery, present dinners, and three workouts,” that is success. Full stop.
Books We Mentioned and Why
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Helped me understand why stress shows up in the body and what to do about it. - Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Changed my parenting this week, not someday. Repair, attachment, language that actually works. - Radical Candor by Kim Scott
A reminder that not everyone needs to climb to be ambitious. You can be a rock star in role and still be a high performer. - Taking Intentional Action by Desiree Petrich
My playbook for choosing the second thought and the next right action.
What I’m Practicing After This Conversation
- Schedule the non-negotiables first, then guard them.
- Treat ten minutes like gold. Small actions move the needle.
- Notice when I’m proving. Return to boundaries.
- Define success for the season I’m in, not the season I wish I had.
- Keep running the awareness loop. Again and again.
Integration is not about doing everything. It is about honoring the whole person who is doing it. If this resonated, tell me what you’re going to dial up this week. I’m cheering for you.
