Stepping into leadership can feel heavy. You want to share your skills, help your team grow, and create strong work habits—but it often feels like you’re carrying the weight of everyone’s problems. Between missed deadlines, personality conflicts, and the pressure to “get it right,” it’s easy to feel like you’re failing your team before you’ve even begun.
But here’s the truth: managing a team isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about building something.
In this episode of You’re the Boss, Now What?, host Desiree Petrich explains how to shift from feeling burdened by leadership to seeing it as a privilege. Using Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team framework, Desiree shares how to build trust, engage in productive conflict, and hold your team accountable—without feeling like the “bad manager.”
Leadership is a Privilege (and a Responsibility)
When Desiree ends every episode with, “Leadership is a privilege, but it’s also a responsibility—and you’re the boss now, so what are you going to do with it?” she means it literally.
Leadership is your opportunity to share the skills you’ve learned, help others grow, and shape a team culture that feels like a community instead of a collection of coworkers. But responsibility can feel heavy if you try to carry it alone.
Your job isn’t to solve every problem—it’s to build an environment where people take ownership, communicate openly, and care about the team’s success as much as their own.
How Dysfunction Starts (and How to Fix It)
Desiree breaks down the five dysfunctions of a team—and how they relate to your ability to build a cohesive, community-driven team.
1. Absence of Trust
Without trust, people hide mistakes, avoid asking for help, and pretend to have it all together.
Fix it: Be transparent first. Share your challenges, ask for input, and show that vulnerability is safe. Trust starts with you.
2. Fear of Conflict
When trust is missing, healthy debate feels dangerous. People stay silent or vent privately instead of solving the real issue.
Fix it: Make conflict about the thing, not the person. Productive conflict helps teams solve problems faster and strengthens respect.
3. Lack of Commitment
When no one speaks up, decisions are met with half-hearted agreement—and zero follow-through.
Fix it: Create buy-in by asking for verbal commitment. When people say, “I’m on board,” they’re more likely to follow through.
4. Avoidance of Accountability
Without commitment, there’s no permission to hold each other accountable. Everything falls back on the manager.
Fix it: Set clear expectations. Accountability should be peer-to-peer, not just top-down.
5. Inattention to Results
When individuals focus on protecting themselves instead of achieving team goals, progress stalls.
Fix it: Celebrate shared wins. Measure what matters collectively, not individually.
Why Managers Avoid Accountability (and How to Stop)
Desiree identifies three common reasons managers struggle to hold people accountable—and what to do instead.
1. “I don’t want to make them feel bad.”
Avoiding feedback feels kind, but it actually prevents growth. Your team can’t improve if they don’t know what went wrong.
Try this: Keep it about the thing, not the person. “The report missed a few key points. Let’s go over how to make it stronger next time.”
2. “I don’t have the authority.”
Even if you have the title, authority without trust won’t work.
Try this: Use I statements. “I’m concerned this approach might cause delays. What are your thoughts?” Vulnerability builds credibility.
3. “I’m afraid it will blow up.”
Tension grows in the space between thinking about the conversation and actually having it.
Try this: Start sooner. Build small moments of trust by asking questions like, “How can I support you better?” or “What’s getting in your way?”
Build a Team That Feels Like a Community
A cohesive team is one that feels like a community—a group of people who trust each other, speak openly, and hold one another accountable.
Here’s how to create that culture:
- Build trust through transparency and empathy.
- Encourage productive conflict about the work, not the people.
- Facilitate commitment by getting verbal buy-in on goals.
- Promote peer accountability so ownership doesn’t fall only on you.
- Celebrate results as a shared success.
When teams operate this way, you stop feeling like the only adult in the room—and your employees start acting like partners instead of dependents.
Leadership Mindset Shift: Stop Trying to Be the “Perfect Manager”
The fear of being seen as a bad manager leads to perfectionism, people-pleasing, and burnout. You end up doing more work yourself and trust your team less.
Instead, redefine what good leadership looks like:
- It’s not perfection—it’s progress.
- It’s not control—it’s collaboration.
- It’s not being liked—it’s being respected.
As Desiree says, “Your goal is to be effective as a leader, not perfect.”
Action Steps for This Week
- Ask your team about their values. What motivates them? What does success look like to them?
- Facilitate a trust-building exercise. Try a DISC or Working Genius workshop to help your team understand each other’s communication styles.
- Reframe accountability. Start seeing it as a shared responsibility, not a personal risk.
- Stop worrying about being “bad.” Focus instead on being consistent, clear, and kind.
Final Thoughts
If leadership feels heavy, it’s not because you’re doing it wrong—it’s because you care. But you don’t have to carry it alone. Build a foundation of trust, commitment, and accountability, and your team will carry the weight with you.
Because leadership is a privilege—but it’s also a responsibility.
And you’re the boss now. So what are you going to do with it?
